Control Yourself

Is there a way to take the stress and anxiety out of parenting? Have you ever wanted to control your kids and tried to find ways to get them to do what you want them to do? Have your attempts ever failed and left you feeling frustrated and unsure how to be a good parent?

When you first hold that beautiful new born baby, you realise you are the protector of this little person.  You control this child in order to keep them growing and safe.  Then the child becomes more and more independent, which brings a mixture of joy and frustration to parents.   We love to watch their abilities increase but we still desperately want to protect them from the dangers we see. The transition from controlling this living soul to encouraging their freedom and independence, whilst still protecting them, is often confusing and it will be unique for each child.

With time you realize that it really never was about controlling your child, but rather about nurturing them and meeting their needs.  You never could control whether your baby cried or not, but you could try to understand whether the baby needed food or a nappy change etc.  Then you would meet their needs, bringing relief to both of you.  The needs of a child change.  They may no longer need to be spoon fed and cleaned, but other, less obvious needs remain and more come, therefore the way we meet those needs must change also.

Perhaps your family life feels like it is out of control, or maybe your life is good but you want it to be better.  Wherever you are and however you feel, if you want something to change there is only one place to start and that is with you.  Parenting is not about changing and controlling our children, it’s about changing and controlling ourselves.  It’s not about finding clever new ways to get them to do what we want them to, it is about love and understanding and nurturing them.

To be able to control yourself it helps to know your self.  To understand why you react the way you do.  This takes a lot of work and self reflection.  A great resource to help is Dr Shefali.