What about those times when behaviour is bad and something needs to be done. Breaking furniture, not getting up in the morning etc. Most big issues should be resolved by the traffic light system of family rules. This should allow you to be prepared for the problems that may arise and everyone should know before hand how they will be resolved. However there will be some situations that could not be predicted or they are repeatedly happening and the consequences are not making a difference. When this happens, try to work things out together.
- Invite your child to give their point of view.
- State your point of view.
- Invite your child to brainstorm with you.
- Write down all the ideas – without evaluating.
- Review your list and decide which ideas you want to put into action.
If mutual cooperation is not there the following pattern is an alternative to punishment.
- State your feelings.
- State your expectations.
- Show how to make amends.
- Offer a choice.
- Take action.
For a greater explanation and examples see, “How to Talk so Kids will Listen and How to Listen so Kids will Talk.” – Faber & Mazlish